New Years Eve

Ok well my friend invited me to new years eve on the grand thingie so im going to the ball drop tonight <3 this should be fun. im going to freeze to death though but oh well.
my (revised) scedual for the rest of the holiday
1. Today hang out downtown with autumn
2. Tomorrow chill w/ lenore
3. Saturday go to shannons
4. sunday go to a movie with calvin.
haha this week turned out to be ok after all

Family

Ok so I finally spent some time with the family just to hang out. My Parents and sister went up to meijer gardens and hung out. Miranda and I went up to the ampitheater and (when no one was around) sung some songs and just had fun up on stage. We took a TON of pics and just spent time together again. I love her so much its unbeliveable. ---<3<3<3->
well...I'm starting a new book which is ok so far i guess. not really sure, i might post the link or something eventually. lmao. I'm also recording my first real demo CD with miranda sometime soon so that should be fun. XD I cant wait

oh jeeze

what did I get myself into? I promised him a movie night. Oh well....I guess I cant stay away after all, even when he has a girlfriend.

Winter break.

Hmm....winter break has been...interesting. Its good to get away from all the stress at home. Now all I have to worry about is getting up going to work and then I have the rest of the day to chill.
I stayed up most of the night on FB chat so I'm sort of tired but whatever. I'm glad I was on. wait... erase that I'm not really. well, i just cant make up my mind. I was told some things I needed to hear but I think it just got my hopes up.
damn every time I decide to attempt to get over him he comes back with some sweet little word and I'm back in his grasps once more. It doesnt really matter i suppose because he has a girlfriend....and I'm wasting my time hoping maybe something will happen between us.
oh well I should probably get back to my book. Reading seems to always clear my head, something I really need right now.

i can still feel it.

ok well as for my life lately things have been pretty downhill. The only person I ever truely trusted compleatly destroyed me about a month ago and I'm still trying to get over it. I vividly remember every touch, every word the said to me. There was no lie in his eyes nothing ever would have given me a clue as to what he was really about. sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and can almost feel him push back my hair and kiss me, i can fell his is body press against mine as he reminded me of how much he "loved" me.
Why the hell did I believe him anyway? it was redicuals to think that someone as amaizing as him would ever want me. I've learned my lesson though. Never make someone your everything, because when they leave, you have nothing.
the worst part is going to school, faking a smile, a laugh while everyone else is genuinly happy. I cant stand it. it feels like everything is comming crashing around me. I always loved him and I was content with just being friends but now...? i dont know.

today

remember the guy I was talking about? well i am spending the day with him today.
i'll post details later.

Love

OK. So I've never had the best luck in love but this is ridicules. I truly am madly irrevocably in love with my best friend. Who just happens to be leaving for the army in January. I'm not sure if its because he really likes me or because we're going to only see each other one month out of every year but hes really being affectionate....more than usual. I'm really not understanding it but i really do miss him. Hes the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first i think about in the morning.
I really don't know what to do. I think I'm going to talk to him about it...
wish me luck.